Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Beyond Comparison

I’m very happy to share this wonderful gift, a letter that I received, to add to my blog today. Some people never really know what pure love is. It’s something we can’t see or hold. So even if you’re locked behind bars, nothing can take this kind of love away. Time- nor- death stops the heart- and- soul, from always knowing one another through the vast universe of possibilities. I adore the kind of rare love described in this letter, that reminds me of my parents.

Dearest Julieanne,

Hey, beautiful! I truly hope that this letter finds you in the absolute best of all circumstances these days. I'm doing well, drawing for several hours, and now I'm putting that to the side, so I can make for certain my love has something to smile about in her mailbox on this coming Saturday. I guess I'll just have to see if my sister shows up on Saturday, or if I'm even called up there. I'm pretty excited to see her, and I'm so eager to talk to her, telling her about you even further, and our relationship. Mainly speaking on the feelings that I possess for Julieanne Noel. I really can't wait to share with her, I'm sure I'll be a rambling fool, but expressing what is true is refreshing to me. I don't talk with any of the people that I'm around about very meaningful stuff, it can be best to keep it trivial, and not be the dude who is open, discussing his personal biz. I've never been that way. When I go outside, I'll do some routine (workout), and then literally spend the remaining hours looking off in the distance. Nothing is visible but the inner structure of the prison, this yard. However, a somewhat decent field of grass exists in the middle. I walk on a path that cuts through it every time I'm escorted to a visit. There is a clear view of the sky, it's a nice one. Sometimes I'll see these mini airplanes cutting through the sky, they get pretty close too. So, yeah.. you can always count on the fact I'm always thinking about you, especially whenever I'm out at yard. Breathing the same air you are, only a short drive apart physically. I imagine how instead of the idea that you are staring up at the same clouds somewhere near, that someday soon we will be together directly under the beauty of the sky, preferably an overcast one. For sure we'll be wearing our exploring pants those days, and take a drive to a place we can be alone, to do what we wish.

Don't think I've forgotten about the requested flix of your room. The Hot Mama Lair, I'm only familiar with the corners of your bed at the moment, and I'm certain that there is so much more to observe. A vivid image of you sleeping in it will be even more so, even though I know it probably resembles a ball of blankets with you somewhere under there, sleeping away. I'd probably end up waking my wife from her rest, I know, I'm terrible, but that is the truth. I'd try my best to refrain so that you could get the necessary sleep, especially due to the erratic schedule you follow, where at times you are cleary lacking the precious snooze time. Believe me, I'll keep you exhausted/worn down/and tired plenty when I come home. For a long time, I promise you this.

Even though I didn't get to see you as usual Saturday, I really hope that you will take the moment to realize how much it is I truly love you. I'll never expect anyone else to understand the strength of our bond and the passionate flames that rage from it. All I can do is wish upon them that they will be so lucky one day to of been granted the same amazing gift. I am rich beyond any wealth I've ever considered obtaining, I find myself happier in the middle of the night when I briefly awaken, than I've ever felt on the most pleasant days I've ever experienced when I didn't find myself locked behind a door. I'm not sure if I was ever searching for you, because I don't think I ever really believed you existed. I could see finding someone whom could offer the typical good times but never someone I'd feel incomplete or lost without. A woman I'm connected to on an emotional level that justifies the meaning of forever. You are as much part of me, as I am of myself, and that isn't something that simply changes in the blink of an eye, as so many things do in this world. We are family in every part of the definition, and we are a perfect family at that. We need nothing else, or more, being physically in reach is the only improvement. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, for us. It's crazy how much more of a lifetime we have ahead to spend with each other, and then as fate has it, we will find each other again in the next. I feel as if that has just been proven in this one, by what occurred by our paths crossing as they did. There is absolutely no doubt that you are the one true love of my soul, the other half of my heart, and with it not present, what is held within my chest doesn't beat. I was so used to the cold touch of it and had figured out how to embrace comfort regardless of this. What you've done, naturally by the tender warmth of your love spilling light into where there was solely darkness, has awakened me to breathe life for the first time. To taste the essence of beauty, and to see the perfect gem that is nothing less than the single reason I'm assured that love is mine to own. You've given me everything, and I live to give you the same. Devotion is my path, Babe, one that I could run along with my eyes closed, and never lose direction to the destination our hearts call me towards. I never fathomed sitting here, anywhere, and telling a woman the things I express to you. I can imagine doing nothing else, and choose to say anything but is almost offensive to me. That is how I see it, to compare you to anyone - offensive, an incomparable notion that is as comical, as it is ridiculous. You are so much more special than you give yourself credit for, Babe. The understanding you'll come to see, is something I anticipate with great happiness, and by the time I can hold you in my arms, you'll hold a completely new belief of the woman you truly are. I think that will make us both incredibly full of smiles.

I love you, and feel this love surround you and move throughout you today. I'm besides you nonstop, whispering every disclosure my heart releases, reminding you repeatedly, You are my air. Take care of my wife for me, and I'll see you soon, Ok.

Love and Respect,

Friday, November 18, 2011


Soon we all find out, that we realy mean nothing in the scheme of it all...

"There are those among us who will find so much satisfaction in the countless trivial and vulgar amusements of a crude people that they have no time for the joys of the mind. There are those who are so closely shut up within a little round of petty pleasures they that have never dreamed of the fun of reading and conversing and investigating and reflecting."

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

April 13th

Happy Anniversary mom and dad ♥

Monday, March 28, 2011

Human Emotions and Weaknesses

Big corporations and laws make money off human emotions and weaknesses, knowing damn well that most of us will fail in the system because it's basically set-up so we all get humiliated and bullied into following orders. I will never stop fighting for human rights no matter what. I might not have a lot money but I do have these words from my heart, to leave behind some truth of my existence.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Wheat Penny Collection

The best way to learn how to count is by twos dad always said. With my dad’s wheat penny collection, I counted-and-counted. He would fill coffee cans with them and tell me about how his grandfather used to have a huge collection and they would be worth something someday, I would barely be able to carry the pennies because the cans were so heavy and I would spill them all over the floor. My dad also showed me the numbers of life through a deck of playing cards. They say that we can choose our own destiny even though ironically it seems the path we end up on is far from a so-called normal one in life. We were one of the only families we knew that never had any money but still traveled fairly legal across country and back so many times. I lost track of schools we had enrolled in. We never knew any different in this country it seems that moving like a gypsy is just another process. Our father believed in a few good things a man only needed; his work boots, hot coffee, and tool box.

We would move so fast that the same top ten songs would be playing on the radio when we moved again. I remember when it was the song “Fly like an Eagle” by The Steve Miller Band “Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping, into the future.” These were the little things that got me through being homesick, anytime I wanted I could just close my eyes and be on the island in my mind. I used to ask my dad “Where are we going this time?” When he was in his driving mode he didn’t want to be bothered. So soon I stopped even asking where we were going anymore because it seemed he never knew. Being happy is a state of mind that people just can’t seem to understand if you don’t have any money.

I found out early in life that people get very spiteful when they encounter real love or beauty of any kind with hope and happiness, when you come from another part of the country or being an outsider no matter where you are in life or who you are, it is very hard to every really fit in. It’s like playing the part of a role for a movie always being on the scene never missing a beat. Growing up out west, I was lucky enough to be riding horses and playing basketball with my dad. We seemed to have everything that most families didn’t have I noticed. My parents always stayed together and others didn’t. My father’s dearest muse was my mother. Our lives were always filled with so much motion. I never stopped to notice how my parents never really even talked about their own families back east. That was just the way we had to live detached we were nomads following maps where ever they would take us.

We used to have such simple times with three hundred sixty- five days on sunlight playing games and having picnics in the Rocky Mountains. Our parents would always keep up on their target practice, but this life didn’t come without certain tragic events that will make it hard to ever understand or choose which side to be on. This story doesn’t really have a trigger-happy ending and it doesn’t even make sense. It’s just our life and what happens when we always tried to live off the grid. Mom always found a way to lay in the sun even if it was under the sky light or by a big window. I don’t think she ever knew how much light she has though now or then. Our dad always did his best to be there for us, picking us up after school and taking us roller-skating or for the movies. He taught us to be so grateful for everything in life as my mother always showed us how much we had, by making us homemade gifts all the time.

She would sew until her fingers bled and stay up all night to make sure all the toys were sewn before Christmas. I always loved watching her sew and bake as she worked herself to death though. I began to wonder when our parents would ever catch a break in life. It seemed no matter what we always ended up being the ones that had to move or always thinking we should go somewhere else, but why were we always really on the run and why did our beauty and love have everything and nothing all at once? That is something I still will never have any answers for. I always wondered why everyone thought I had the coolest parents. Being wild and crazy wears off and nobody wants to take you seriously when you get older though, they think you are just some burnt-out used- up has been that doesn’t know a damn thing in life just because you might not have any money, doesn’t mean you are stupid.

Everyone else had fancy lunch boxes in school but I had the coolest mom in the world that would hand -paint my brown-lunch bags the night before school everyday. One year I went a little crazy with the construction paper. I decided that if I couldn’t have a Christmas tree I would make one out of paper. All the paper in the world doesn’t matter though unless it’s the kind you can spend. But in my world I never even knew what that was only compassion and feeling loved. I spread my paper construction hearts everywhere I went from school-to-school always cutting paper-hearts. I thought if I left enough hearts it might catch on and everyone would finally have one. Most the time kids would just make fun of me for always cutting paper-hearts. When we never lived beyond our means we lived wealthier than the richest man in the world. Being human is not about having more than everyone else. We are all supposed to help one another not judge people from their ripped up jeans or long hair.

My dad always said the real American dream was eating cheeseburgers and french-fries watching the fireworks. Having barbeques in the backyard and driving down the highway with the freedom to do so. Now that I am adult and find myself in hard times again. I see how my father had it when he must have gone for help all those times and had to suffer in humiliation. When we try to get help if you’re even lucky to get any in the first place, we must go through the whole process of being investigated and looked down on like an animal that can’t take care of yourself and family. When things would get really hard for us my dad always saved the wishbones from baked chickens we had. We would respectful make a wish as we broke the wishbone. Sometimes I think my dad would let me win and other times he would win hoping that his wish would come true, to just be able to take care of his family.

No matter what anyone says he was really a very kind, loving, and honest devoted family man, but I believe that the system gives us brain damage after awhile. Breaking us all down like just another number for the corporations to do what they want with the little man and as the big boss gets richer quicker we are left out in the cold without any food to eat. Treating us all like we are a dime of a dozen and telling us we have too much confidence in one-hand and stupefying us with mind numbing news and media to let us down and bring us up in the next moment? They spend so much on the drug war in this country. Why does it seem like the drug stores are legally getting away with being the biggest drug dealers in town? Whether it’s by street drugs or legally, one out of three Americans are consumed by synthetic chemicals. Instead of building more rehabs and schools they build more prisons.